Ladies: you can hate the player and hate the game.

There is a saying that goes, “don’t hate the player, hate the game.” A lot of times a guy will say it to a girl after he has been a player or played mind games with her and she finally called him out on it. Im here to tell you that you are indeed allowed to hate the player. You are allowed to hate him because he is the one who is playing the games and just like on the playground you are allowed to leave the game when you don’t want to play anymore. OK so not hate because that is a strong word but, you can strongly dislike him, stick up for yourself, and give him the boot.

I recently had an experience with a guy where I thought we were on the same page but the situation did a 180 and we were in fact reading totally different books. I asked where his head was at and he completely friend zoned me. Now despite what some people who know me might say I am not one of those dramatic girls when it comes to guys. I just don’t care. I move on and it doesn’t faze me. I also and this might be a fault of mine am capable of being friends with that guy. I blame it on being a camp counselor. You can easily be friends with someone of the opposite sex and not feel anything for them. I also love that because, I have some pretty stellar guy friends. Anyway, based off of the amount that this guy and I were talking and the things we said to each other I thought we liked each other. Now I am in no way shape or form saying I thought I was going to marry this guy or even have a relationship because I am just not there right now. Currently the end of the school year is taking up my time and Im making big life changes but, like I said I thought we liked each other and were just doing our thing. So I kinda broached the subject then I got my answer where he said he really enjoyed our friendship. Then I moved on.

I really wish I hadn’t. I kind of wish I for once was the semi crazy chick who said WTF. Maybe not crazy but just laid it out there how I was really feeling. I think girls like to for some crazy reason walk on egg shells around guys especially guys they like. Its like they don’t want to rock the boat. Um hello. Sink that mother trucking ship. You have to be the captain and take control. It is not ok for guys to play games! And it happens because we as girls let them. We think “oh maybe I was reading it wrong.” Or “I was thinking too much into it.” No that’s not true. You probably did not think this guy was into you because he said “hey whats up?” It was probably a little more flirty. Lets be honest also, you know you screenshot yall’s convo every day and sent it to the girls in your group text asking them what certain things meant and they all agreed he was into you.

At some point we have to quit playing the game. We have to sit on the bench and wait for someone who doesn’t want to play the game either to come over. I wish I would have taken my own advice and spoken up. I should have said that I enjoyed our friendship too but that I don’t talk to my other guy friends like we talked to each other. I wish I would have said that I liked talking to him but if we didn’t like each other like that I couldn’t talk all day everyday. Because who has time for that when this is a completely platonic relationship? And if he wants that and you decide you still want to be friends for crying out loud don’t let him flirt with you. That’s one of the plays in his play books. He cant have his cake and eat it too. Youre better than that. Youre better than being some guys security blanket because hes feeling lonely. At the end of the day I will still be friends with this guy because we have known each other for a long time and he is truly a wonderful guy. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t play games and that doesn’t mean I am going to play them again. Next time I will show him that I am the coach and explain my rules. Hold yourself to higher standards and guys will meet them. There is this episode on Greys Anatomy where Mark Sloan tells Jackson Avery “ If you love someone you tell them. Even if you’re scared its not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it’ll burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud, and then you go from there.” Ok first, swoon. Second, Im not saying you need to wait for the love part but, you definitely don’t need to settle for less than him being able to pronounce and admit his feelings. After all do you really want a pansy who cant even admit that he has a crush on you? He should be able to proudly and willingly able to say “hey I like you” and then go from there. Don’t settle for a guy who is incapable of doing that. Why waste your time? And if you’re in your 20’s seriously who has time for those type of games?

Lesson of the story: Its better to be a benchwarmer than be apart of the playbook.